ugh just woke up..
need to sleep early more.


now what..
ohjyeah,
slept fucken late last night,
around 4am.


dont know why,
iguess im so used to texting at night until ifall asleep.


but maan,
istill cant use th comp for long.

and seriously,
what's th point of using th comp when people do a spotcheck every 5 minutes?
bloody fucken hard to have some privacy,
ihope you understand,

its hard to say some things with people checking and stuffs,
rawr..



anyways,
going to go shopping and stuffs,
but have to use my limited money.

idont even work ):
need to get money fast.


been working out lately,
dont know why,
but ifeel fat suddenly.


liek th food iate got some extra calories and stuffs,
maybe its telling me to shed some kilos?

idont know,
but istill have to burn those fats.



ah,
going off already.



and oh,
one more thing.



you look more bautiful without contacts.
takecares of yourself alrite?
people are everywhere,
rawr muchmuch.

...
inever thought that it would come to this.
never..

to lose something you love so dearly,
to hurt th person you love with all your heart,

what th fuck am i?
a bastard?

maybe iam..

my heart feels empty now,
it feels so numb,
liek something's been torn away from it.


ididnt want this to happen,
ididnt even know it could..
ihate myself,

causing problems,
hurting you over and over again,
letting you go thru shits because of me,

iknow.
iknow icaused you alot of pain,
that icomplicate things,
that icause you all these.

iknow that whatever shits and difficulties you have to go through,
was all caused by me.

im sorry,
im so sorry..

for having to do this,
for hurting you.

ijust hope,
iwont hurt you ever again,


that at least you would find a bit of peace.
with all th shits in your life gone,


istill love you,
but because of all these things,
we've decided to break off,
to get some peace,
to stop all these shits,
to live our lives independently again,

without each other.

ijust hope you'll be alrite,
im truly sorry for causing you hurt and pain,
for letting you go thru all this,


i've always thought about you,
your feelings,
how you will feel,

because icare for you.

idont give a damn about myself,
its always you that icare.



maybe right now it doesnt seem so,
but idont care what people think,
because istill do.


ihope you'll be alrite,
trust your bestfriends,
look for them for comfort,

on lonely nights,
go to them,

when you have troubles,
pour out your feelings to them,

when you're in doubt,
ask them.


take cares of yourself,
study hard for next year.

you're gonna be a big girl now,
gonna be a young adult in a few years,
gotta be more matured alrite?


do th right things alrite?
be a good girl,
be a good daughter.


iregret this th most,
which is hurting you.

icant take th pain away,
icant take th burden,

im sorry..

iwish icould take all th pain for you,
iwish iwish iwish..


ihope you forgive me,
and iunderstand if you hate me,


nevertheless,
ill still care for you.


we've been thru so much,
perhaps this will be th last time we'll be going thru shits,
that things will be more stable and peaceful in our lives now.


ifeel empty,
my nights are cold now,
something just went out my life,
disappeared.

but my heart,
no matter how numb,
how hurtful it is,

there is still my love for you.


takecares of yourself without me,
remember all those things that i've told you,

you don't have to do it,
but i'll tell you anyways.

be a good girl,
be a good daughter,
study hard next year, and for your O's.

pray regularly,
because it helps,
it calms you,
and God will help you if you're faithful.

eat properly,
because you're not fat at all,
and don't be guilty about eating,

before you sleep,
remember to wash your feet and bace.

and no smoking,
its not a good thing you know,
you're a growing girl,
and iknow you're a good girl,
so ireally hope you dont smoke.


last of all,
ialways care for you,
my heart will always beat,
with th love in it,



you don't have to do any of those things that i've mentioned,
im not forcing you,
im not begging you,

im just hoping you will,
because iknow you're a good girl,
iknow you..


icant contact you anymore,
not for a few months,

so ihope you'll do fine,
please dont do anyth stupid or bad kays?
remember,
i'll be worried if you do,
i'll be nagging if you do,
and iwould be sad if you do,

so make th right decisions kays?

im sorry for everyth,
th pain that i've caused you.


ill be looking out for you,
seeing how you're doing.


but now,
ihope you'll takecares of yourself.


let time pass by,
it'll fly,
im sure.


it's a long road ahead,
we dont know what's in store for us,
but its a new chapter for us,
a different road,


perhaps our paths might cross again in th future,
but for now,
we're on different paths,

but that doesn mean i'll stop loving you,
stop caring you,

because you know it yourself,
iwill.

iloveyou.

...

quiet.

everyth's so quiet.





havent been sleeping properly,
sleepless nights.

tears just stream down my face,
just keep flowing,

my heart aches,
thinking..


ilook around,
ithink about us,

icry.


my nights,
are now just crying sessions,

im sorry for all this..


pain,
distracts me for awhile.

sigh.

im sorry for hurting you,
iwont do it ever again.





couldnt sleep at all,
just lie down,
thinking about those times,
thinking about us,

letting th tears run down,
wetting my pillow,

why has it come to this?
im sorry.


iwont hurt you again,
iwont make this happen ever again,
iwont make you go thru all this again.


it hurts liek fuck,
ifeel liek punching something,

releasing everyth inside.


im such a cry baby huh?
ihope you're doing alrite.

please,
takecares of yourself.

please..


dont worry about me,
dont even think about me,

im fine,
im always fine,

its you,
remember?

takecares,
please.



these tears are shed for you,
only you.